our computer died

we have been without the computer for a week.

in one week, it is surprising how far we fell without the computer to guide our every day life.

here is our family picture after 7 days:

family pic

 

as you can clearly see in the above picture, someone died from lack of computer use.

we were forced to live off the land without coupons to print off the hubby’s savvy shopping sites.

hunting

realizing we were not hunters, and more gatherers, we made a trip to walmart.

walmart

luckily, the computer is now up and running, and in just one day it has changed our life dramatically.

moon

God bless computers every where.

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white girl strikes again

the hardest thing for me while running, is not to break out my wicked awesome white girl dance moves while listening to my music. therefore creating a dance block party of epic proportion that will cause the shut down of at least 3 major freeways and 2 side streets.

i taught him everything he knows.

what i don’t understand, is how francis buxton, of pee wee herman fame,

francis

and uma thurman, of pulp fiction fame, made it on this episode of batman.

uma

 

when to walk out of a resturant

“i’m sorry, we are sold out of the wings.” the waitress told us.

shock

during this festive christmas season, i am working all night and the hubby is working all day. we decided we needed to go out on a date.

badly.

being raised in a religion that you do not shop, enjoy cinematic events, or enter a restaurant on sunday, AND given that we live in a state that is predominately filled with people who share the same religious upbringing, we felt sunday would be the best bet for us to go out as the establishments for all things entertaining are entertainingly empty.

that, and we had a gift card AND a coupon from my uber savvy shopping hubby. (couponing is also a religious upbringing, little known, but there.)

now i can bring you into the earlier written conversation.

“what do you mean you are sold out of wings? how do you sell out of wings? it is your signature appetizer right next to the bloomin’ onion?” i asked incredulously.

“i know, we had a large party come in and order the last of them.” she said while giving the eye point so we could see who had just stolen the only happiness in my life.

“no, really, how do you sell out of wings.” i asked again hoping she was lying.

the hubby and i just sat and stared at each other.

“i could get you something else.” she offered.

“we only come for your wings. we have been waiting for these wings.” i was desperately trying to explain.

“we should just leave.” the hubby said. i was too busy glaring at the large party enjoying the wings that had just been delivered to listen. the hubby has literally had a glass of water spilled on him by a waitress before and we just laughed. being told they were sold out of wings, we were willing to try to get someone fired.

glare

no one understands wing love.

together

“we are being punished by God.”

“no, it is gluttony, i hope they choke on a chicken bone.” i said.

we ate the rest of our dinner listening to the group laugh, talk loudly, and lick their fingers, never realizing that two tables away, goat sacrifices were being made to curse their family for all eternity.

hexes

how to strain the co-worker relationship

one of my co-workers has this habit of hissing when they are feeling anxious.

it is peak season at UPS, so anxiety and stress are at a peak.

this means that my co-worker spends the entire 8.5 hour shift hissing.

i am working with hiss.

hiss

this same co-worker, also sang along to the radio.

for four straight hours.

every song.

sang their little heart out.

for.the.love.

silence

happy birthday mr. president

dear hubby,

today is your big day, and being as it is your big day, i can’t help but think about myself.

myself and all the adventures you have given me.

cue melancholy music now:

flute

like that time i waited 3.5 hours for you in pocatello.

or the blue peanut m&m you dropped while driving, then went searching for it on the floor of your truck, while still driving.

or that guy you rear-ended while searching for that blue m&m. totally understandable, it was a peanut m&m.

or when we were driving to the airport and i rolled down the window to vomit yelling at you to pull over between heaves, at which point you thought i was telling you how to drive and responded with “i know what exit to take!” you still loved me even with vomit on the side of your car.

how about when there was construction on I90 and the cement barriers used to separate northbound and southbound traffic to keep motorists safe did not deter your free spirit, you just went up on those babies with two wheels in your hot little honda civic.

you made ricky bobby proud that day.

ricky

my personal favorite was when i looked over at you driving with one eye closed.

“why do you have one eye closed?” i asked while flying down the freeway at 70 mph.

“i have double vision, i did not want to worry you replied.” you replied.

my love, you had me worried with your logic of not worrying me while driving with one eye closed.

life with you has been just like this:

and if i was your mistress, sultry, and sexy, i would sing you happy birthday like this:

but since i am none of the above, i will say happy birthday like this:

redneck

licking is not a bad influence

i found myself at the local grocery store with other cheap minded individuals, vying for the end of day donuts at remarkably low prices, when the following conversation took place.

“do you think that is lemon filled or just custard?” the woman next to me asked about the donuts, she also happened to be a complete stranger.

“i don’t know, let’s look closer.” i told her.

we were shoulder to shoulder, hunched over, with our foreheads pressed against the glass.

“it is yellow, it could be either.” she said.

“i dare you to lick it and find out.” i whispered to her.

she looked at me shocked and said “i would never, in a million years, do that. never.”

“i wouldn’t tell.” i told here while still standing should to shoulder, hunched over with our foreheads no longer pressed against the glass but facing each other making eye contact.

she then saw my two daughters standing behind us watching the whole exchange.

“your mother is a bad influence on you.” she said while walking away.

she never did find out if the donuts were lemon or custard.

you know, people just don’t take friendly advice like they used to.

advice