move over martha

last night i made mango/raspberry bbq chicken with an olive oil/dijon mustard base.

i know, i was rockin’ it.

ok, i’m lying.

first start with this:

then pick out whatever salad dressing you have sitting in your fridge and throw it in the  bag.

don’t use these, people will have a higher expectation of you just seeing them in your house.

next pour a little dijon mustard in (i use dijon just because it sounds fancy even though it squirts out of the bottle just as well as regular mustard.)

i don’t actually add any olive oil, i just say olive oil base because that ingredient was in the salad dressing i used last night and it sounded like i followed a recipe.

then marinade.

while the chicken is in the marinade you can do something fancy like watching re-runs of the bachelor cuz that is real life right there.

man i love slummin’ in the kitchen.

i wonder if i could make it on pinterest?

 

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a recipe

as i was rolling papers the other day i noticed a headline that said “a recipe of a mormon woman” or something like that.

i tuned out at recipe.

still, it got me thinking what i would put in my recipe after living amongst the natives for 10 years now.

first:

add: one gigantic flower headband so your baby cannot hold her head up.a dash of ‘if it is not layered at least 4 layers thick in clothing then by golly do NOT leave the house.’

mix in 5.1 children in 5.2 years with one of the following names: mckay, golden, tanner, emma, joseph, mary, or esther.

one tsp of make sure they are all blond.

mix for 2 minutes with the following:if you cannot find this particular mixture, you may substitute the following:trust me, somewhere in the house of a mormon woman you will find a piece of tile with letters rubbed on it.

hint: the tiles took the place of the plastic grapes of yesteryear.after mixing, add a smidgen of ‘if it ain’t mod it ain’t touching this bod’ clothing.heat oven with a hairstyle that is jaw bone length on the sides and short in backbe sure it has highlights!

bake with plenty of the following:and shazam! one mormon lady extraordinaire.

to make the recipe a little more exciting you can always add family portraits in an orchard with no shoes on.

bon appetite!