we walked approximately 520 miles

the local grocery store where ben rents movies is .7 miles from our house.

1.4 miles round trip, that is unless you bring ben.

ben feels the need to step on every single leaf he sees on the sidewalk.

it is fall, as in leaves are falling every where.

our 1.4 mile walk turned into a marathon of leaf massacre that spanned at least the state of utah.

viva la fall.



boobies part II

“so, um, at lunch today benjamin had a ball and was going “boobies, boobies boobies.” the teacher told me as i picked him up from school today. she said all this in a whisper.

“oh.” this ‘oh’ was said with a long, drawn-out breath. “that is actually totally explainable.” i started to explain with a rather red face.

as you all may know from previous posts, benjamin is a walking, semi-filtered, hormone machine. maybe your memory needs some reminding. let me illuminate you with this: boobies

you see, we were all at the dinner table, where i was following every family building seminars ever written by sitting down for a meal, and we were discussing the difference between jr high boys and jr high girls to my rather boy crazy daughter.

“girls are like ‘oh my gosh, he is so cute.’ and boys are like ‘boobies, boobies, boobies!!” i spelled out for my daughter. explaining why that is the reason you should keep a very large stay-outside-of-my-line radius when dealing with said booby fanatics.

apparently, not only was my boy crazy daughter listening, so was my hormone filled son listening, and took his lesson to be taught at school.

we do have the hard-core booby staring down to a minimum, it does not help that he has learned to wolf whistle.


the importance of a snappy ID pic

one can never put too much emphasis on an ID picture.

the picture ID can make it so you are never allowed in any venue with actual human beings.


or, the ID can make it so you not only get in free to every venue you ever try to enter, you also get a free unicorn, puppy, and adoration from the masses.


i never had ben pegged for trying a fake ID to up his age.

this clearly states he is in 12th grade and i have it on good authority he is firmly in the 11th.

sneaky little devil.

my 16 year old is cooler than yours

why am i such a braggart you ask? 

let me expound on the many ways my kid is cooler than yours.


1) he walks around the lake holding his pants up like a girl and makes it look manly.

2) when given the choice of an entire fabric store to pick out material for his pillow case he is making in school, he picks out glitter spiders and halloween pumpkins secure in his manliness to properly celebrate the halloween holiday.


3) he loves romantic songs and disney cross-overs and makes it look manly, but, really hates it when it is pointed out to him that the music is pretty.

4) his horoscope says ‘make it your day and do what you want.’ he doesn’t need a horoscope to tell him that, that’s his everyday life.

5) he requested to go to seminary at school, then realized he hates seminary in about 10 minutes and actually used very manly suggestions to get out of it. unfortunately, those manly suggestions required the physical removal from said spiritual education.

6) he gives kisses that are manly enough to make you nervous every time as one never knows when that kiss will turn into a non-kiss.


and that, gently reader, is why others weep with disappointment to not inhabit the world of ben.



a visit to china

our bear has been asking to go to china quite a bit lately.

i think it would be quite an adventure into the orient with an obsessed, movie-quoting-kid who thinks he speaks chinese.

i am just concerned he will be completely disappointed when he realizes china is not a mulan movie.

and shan-yu has not just invaded.


on a different note, we had a chicken fight while playing at the reservoir today.

you know, the game where you put people on each other’s shoulders and then proceed to try to drown each other.

the hubby and i were one team, chicka and bird was another.

i just realized they are named after fowls, they totally would have owned this fight had they realized this.

when bear heard ‘chicken fight!’ he immediately put his hands in chicken  beak position and proceeded to peck the hubby to death.

all i can say, i would have bet on this cock-fight and bear would have been the one i picked to win.




the bear is your typical, red-blooded, hormone driven teen-age boy.

he is also your normal, red-blooded, autistic, non-filter teen-age boy.

when these two worlds collide, be ready for the summer of boobies.

we went to lava hot springs last week.

or, as bear seems to think, bikini wonderland.

“belly buttons!!” he told me while walking in.

“yep, that is a nice belly button. don’t stare.” it seems to work better if we acknowledge his belly button find.

he has also learned to power of the swim goggles.

he likes to float around with his floatie around his middle and dive under with his goggles when the girls get close.

we spend a lot of time pulling him and his goggles away.

at the lake, as i was cleaning things up to head home, i looked over to see bear bending over examining a belly button very closely.

the girl had no idea a 6’1″, 237 lb hulk was checking out her belly button as she was blissfully tanning with her eyes closed.

her family behind her did, and they were laughing their heads off.


not so much.

i got this picture when bear realized there were girls sitting across from him and suddenly decided to sit on the edge of the hot tub.


helloooooooo ladies.

i should feel some responsibility of my own in his ogling trait he seems to have inherited.

i did a bit of that myself when a walking photo shop of a man walked into the pool.

i am serious, he looked like he had been photo shopped, he was that perfect.

before you judge me, the happily married man playing with his kids next to me also thought this man was exceptional.

how do i know this?

probably by the holy trilogy he uttered as the man walked in.

i have learned in this whole puberty shenanigans with bear, that is does not matter if the dude has mental disabilities or is as normal as corn in kansas, boys will be boys.