bear has gone through some interesting phases.
there was the insisting he should only wear a robe all day every day. that lasted about a week.
then there was the time that once the car was in the parking spot, there was no reversing to correct………ever. that also applied if you were pulling out of the driveway to leave, you MUST NOT pull back in for any reason, even if you forgot something……..EVER. that lasted years.
but now, now we are entering in the puberty stage.
how did i know we were entering the puberty stage? when i went to the store to buy queen some underwear and bear was with me, one look at the package cover and he was bent over grabbing himself saying “help me!!!” and just like that i had a pubescent 13-year-old.
i mention this to explain my following letter to the two women at the pool.
dear ladies who thought they were in the Caribbean,
i am genuinely happy that you have the bodies that look like you only eat once a day, and by eating once a day i mean an orange that you moved by your nose while saying “mmmm, zesty!” and then considered yourself full having never even taken a bite here is what i do not understand.
why in the diddly-hell did you feel the need to lounge by the kids section of the pool in your triangle-barely-there-string bikini?!
are you trying to impress the 5-year-olds?
maybe the teen-age life guards?
maybe the average mr. joe plumber who just looked at his average mrs. joe plumber wife and dreamed just a little?
please for the love of all that is holy and stretch-marked put some damn clothes on.
oh, for the days of full swimsuits.sincerely,
the mother of un-filtered 13-year-old boy.
that’s right, bear does not have a filter. if he sees something he likes (like belly buttons) he points to that belly button while saying “look mom!!” with me dragging him away telling him we don’t point, and yes i see, and yes i see what it does to you.
bear is very kind that way, if it is something he likes, he just assumes every one will like it too.
given the pool side fashionistas, we are doing a lot of dragging at the pool these days.
it does not just keep to the pool. have you ever really looked at the disney characters? belly buttons galore, not to mention tiny waists and well-defined boobs. it has made me realize two things: 1) movie time just changed drastically for bear. and 2) there are a lot of disney animators with unfulfilled teen fantasies.
i know eventually we will get the filter installed with bear.
and i know that this is a life-long thing of admiring belly buttons and boobs.
how do i know this?
i am married.