just your average stroll through town

since ben has been relegated to home until the meds get where the meds need to be, we have been taking walks.

yesterday, we walked to the library and then the store.

along the way ben decided to turn to me and say “kneel before your royal son.”

unfortunately for ben, he does not realize this queen mother bends the knee for no one.

seeing that no bowing was going to take place, we continued on our walk.

as we neared the crosswalk he said, “i may not be smart, but i know what road kill is.”

luckily, we crossed the street with no near mishaps and no road kill seen.

road

we made it to the library, which i strategically planed to happen during nap time for the 1.2 million little children that live in our fair city because ben has now developed a zero tolerance for crying children.

my plan worked perfectly, it was quiet,  and all that were around were old people. i did not actually see them, but i could catch faint whiffs of old people smell. it was perfect, that is, until we were checking out and a lone baby let out a long wail.

“don’t worry mom, i got this.” ben said as he turned to go nanny-fy the baby.

ben’s idea of being a nanny looks kinda like this:

bear

on a side note, if you need a babysitter, ben is suddenly available.

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i am living with cinderella

emma picked out her new shoes for the cold season this weekend.

she chose the nice, comfy, warm boots to complete her sense of style and fashion.

boots

when one puts on boots, one usually know to push down with the heel to get the boot to fit.

that is, unless you are queen emma, who feels that all she should have to do is point her toes and expect all the magic to happen magically.

who does she think she is, cinderella? i am not a mouse and those boots sure aren’t glass slippers.

glass

after some sweating, on my part, and coaxing, and begging her to push down with her heel, we seem to be making progress.

yet another thing she has made me not take for granted, the power of the heel push.

on a different note, the girls and i had a moment of boredom one saturday that led to us discussing who could jump in the air and click their heels together, which led to another argument of whether the heels were actually touching, which led to the camera being brought in to take pictures of alleged heel clicking, which led to ANTM poses while jumping, which led to who could jump the highest contest.

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in case anyone was wondering. i won.

he should have come with an instruction manual.

my bear is roaring.

ben can go from 0-60 in seconds flat.

ben can be dancing at a school program, saying ‘bravo!’ while clapping and smiling and then suddenly dragging me along the hallway like a rag doll trying to get a 2 year old that was crying in a matter of seconds.

ben can have 4 adults trying to restrain and calm him….and win.

ben can smack me upside the head hard enough to make my ears ring simply because i took a bag of sunflower seeds away from him.

ben can be loving.

ben can be funny.

ben can be helpful.

ben can be so, so happy.

we have read and researched masses of behavioral methods.

we have him on meds that have helped up until now.

one does not hold their son in their arms and think ‘one day, you will be on anti psychotic medication and we will be concerned to go anywhere there might be little kids for fear of you wanting to hurt them.’

one does not expect that one day they will stand there and think ‘well, i know i can take punches and still stay standing, maybe i could win a few fist fights.’ after being hit by their son.

i want someone to come and tell me to do steps a,b,and c and you will get d. if you see triggers e,f,and g do step h and all will de-escalate.

i am grateful that i can still help him calm down and fearful of his size and the damage he can do before he calms down.

why can there not be an instruction manual that would answer every single question i have?

i want ben to be able to stay the happy, calm, content kid we know he is. i truly don’t feel he likes these episodes of complete anxiety and anger. i have seen his remorse afterwards and his exhaustion when it is done.

i want life to be easier for ben.

until then, i plan on watching a few more rocky movies.

rocky

this is ben’s man area. you can see all his movies, toy story characters, scene it games, and of course, a skeleton that he insists stays there given his past obsession with hotel transylvania.

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i sure do love me some benny bear.

we walked approximately 520 miles

the local grocery store where ben rents movies is .7 miles from our house.

1.4 miles round trip, that is unless you bring ben.

ben feels the need to step on every single leaf he sees on the sidewalk.

it is fall, as in leaves are falling every where.

our 1.4 mile walk turned into a marathon of leaf massacre that spanned at least the state of utah.

viva la fall.

fall

why it is easy to disown your children

this past weekend was fall break, which means we spent 4 days of unadulterated family fun.

my children spent 4 days of secretly being disowned by me.

“you may not have boobs, but you sure got a booty!” said disowned child #1.

poopie

“i can’t help it, i have to laugh at you every time you smile. now smile again so i can laugh at you.” said disowned child #2.

“ohmygosh!!!!! she has taken all the hand and body soap AGAIN!” i lamented while disowning child #3.

“you used to be so gorgeous.” said disowned child #1, who was disowned again, while she was looking at pictures taken 3 years ago. apparently, the last three years have aged me exponentially.

“please, please, just wear deodorant. seriously, just put it on.” i begged disowned child #4. this child was disowned on smell alone.

behavior

that will teach them a stern lesson when they read my will and realize the hundreds i have left behind is going to some obscure charity.

charity

who’s gorgeous now?

hot pot ettiquette

this last weekend i took the kids hiking to the hot pots which happen to be natural hot springs that attract nudist, wine drinkers, exhibitionists, dog lovers, and families.

an interesting combination.

dog

if you notice in the above picture, these people like to keep their dog BESIDE the hot pot that drains down into other hot pots that other people like to soak in.

this did not happen when we were there. the people in the pot above me thought it was a good idea to let their dogs soak with them.

i am glad you love your dog, i don’t love your dog. nor all your dog hair that is now streaming down into the other pots because you thought your dog love was share-able. just a little secret, not everyone likes wet dog smell.

smell

but what really made your dog love sharing the best, was when both your dogs shook all the water off right by everybody.

that was awesome.

wet

not to be outdone by the dog love, the exhibitionists were busy getting their exhibition on in the lower pot. when i was describing their escapades to a co-worker, he asked why i did not shame them into stopping.

she was already laying on top of him and kissing his nipples, i don’t think shame is what they were going for.

on an upside, that whole birds and bees conversation was taken care of.

birds

it caused actual, physical pain to watch her play

in february, my daughter was invited to try out for a 12U fast pitch softball team.

she was 9.

12U means you can be age 13 and the size of a line backer and still be eligible.

she made the team.

at the very first game of their very first tournament, ella was informed she would be catcher. she had played catcher exactly one time before this announcement, the day before in practice.

“sure, why not.” she said when they handed her the shiny new catcher gear.

my thoughts were more along the lines of “what the $%^^???”

that first game they played can only be described as painful. physically, emotionally, and psychologically painful. i understand they were a brand new team, and a young team, i mean their catcher was 9 years old, but i was seriously doubting my judgment as a parent allowing her to participate in this.  it got to the point that the parents were searching deep within their souls to try to find something good to cheer their girls on.

“you only allowed 15 runs that inning, you rock!”

“you only over threw the base by 50 ft instead of the usual 100 ft! good on ya!”

“maybe next time you might want to throw that ball instead of just holding it to get the person out, good job though.”

basically, we lied our heads off telling them they were doing good.

ella turned 10 during the course of this season, she is the second smallest girl on her team. fall league ended last night with her team having a winning record for fall. this was after losing approximately 30 games in a row. ella stuck with it as catcher and did not allow any stolen runs at home for the majority of the games, even against 14U teams that had girls that were up to 15 years old, the size of andre the giant, and had beards. during the last 5 games of the season, every at bat resulted in her getting on base.

my favorite memory of her is when she took on a very large 13 year old who was charging in to steal home. ella ended up landing on top of her as the girl took her out and knocked the ball out of ella’s mitt. ella, seeing the girl had slid short of home, starting scrambling over the top of her to get the ball. the girl, realizing she was short of home, started trying to scoot on her butt the last few inches to be safe, but found the travel rather difficult with a 10 year old clad in catcher gear scrambling over the top of her stomach. it was a hard hit that had coaches from both teams coming onto the field to check on ella, all she said was “let’s play this game!”

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as you can see by the picture of ella and her sister, ella does have a distinct size disadvantage in this league. so proud of that girl, she took some beatings, gave some beatings, and is so much cooler than i will ever be.