the bird vs the cat

what started out as an innocent show-and-tell of a kitten turned into a life and death struggle.

“hey mom, i heard this cat is like a dog because it was raised by tigger.” bird told me while holding up the cat.

*tigger is mom and dad’s sheep dog, although no sheep live on the premises.

tigger, thinking he wanted to see the cat the thought it was a dog, started walking over.

the cat, who thought it might be a dog suddenly decided it did not want to share its secret lifestyle with an actual dog and started hissing.

bird, seeing that the cat was not going to share with the dog put the cat/dog down.

unfortunately, for both the bird and the cat, her long necklace refused to be parted with the cat.

its tail to be specific.

as soon as the dog saw the cat stuck, it moved in. as soon as the cat saw the dog moving in it immediately puffed up to three times it size. as soon as bird realized she was inescapably tangled with the wild animals (because all domesticity had left both breeds by this point) she began screaming and spinning in circles.

the cat now looked like this:

ok, i may be exaggerating a little bit, but i am still fairly certain it did.

the cat suddenly jumped off the ground and attached itself to the dog’s nose still firmly attached to bird’s necklace.

this brought on a new hysteria level in the bird which i thought could not be topped.

that is until the cat suddenly unattached itself from the dog and attached itself to bird’s leg.

i stand corrected.

needless to say, there was screaming. i was trying to hold bird still while getting the necklace off her while yelling for my dad to come help. people starting running outside who had been inside and the cat still hung on.

pandemonium of epic proportion was happening.

loud pandemonium.

finally the necklace was taken off, bird was carried off, the dog chased the cat off and still no dad.

what lessons did we learn?

1) never trust a cat that thinks it is a dog.

2) do NOT wear long necklaces when picking up a cat that thinks it is a dog.

3) that survival tip of ‘if you got a tiger by the tail don’t let go’ is a bad survival tip. we had a cat by the tail and it kicked our trash until we let the tail go.

4)my dad needs hearing aids.

here is bird’s leg after the attack. lots of puncture wounds on the front and back of her leg that were properly oohhed and awwed over.

this is our front screen door. we have been nursing this baby along for 10 years now. the second window pane finally fell out this summer.

now some might see this as the time to get a new screen door.

i see it as two less windows i have to wash.

God works in mysterious ways.

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white vinegar vs. rice vinegar

we have two giant bean bags, the very same bean bags my child emptied all the fluff out of a few weeks ago.

the cat, not to be outdone by the kid, peed all over both bean bags.

the cat is now neutered and has a shaved butt.

don’t mess with my bean bags.

the giant bean bags have been sitting out on the porch waiting for me to come up with some ingenious plan to remove cat pee smell.

although i lack in ingenuity, google does not. i found a vinegar/water/hydrogen peroxide/baking soda concoction that was supposed to cure all my cat urine ills.

it was all going swimmingly until i ran out of white vinegar.

“no worries,” i thought, “i’ll just use rice vinegar.”

i skipped over the balsamic vinegar thinking it would stain the bean bags.

see? my domestic skills are coming on strong.

turns out rice vinegar is NOT the same as white vinegar and did not have the desired effect.

now whenever i sit on the bean bag i have an overwhelming urge to travel to the orient and eat lots of rice.

and to answer your question; yes, the bean bag still has a faint smell of cat pee.

i’ll work on it again once i get my kimono on.

an observation of a cat/dog sort

i have come to the realization that no matter how many times you say a cat is a dog it just is not.

you can hire experts to analyze this cat to make it a dog.

it still is not.

you can hire private investigators to follow this cat to see if it will secretly act like a dog…but it won’t.

it is still a cat.

 

you can file reports, petitions, and involve any other agency to investigate, but sadly, it will still be a cat.

eventually, the one seeking to convince the world that the cat is a dog will be deemed a little……how shall we say this?

nuts.

and like cats, this cat does not really care what the rest of the crazy seeking- to- prove- me a- dog individuals…..

i just don’t care

.

unless you bring cookies, then i am all over that.

is this post cryptic?

nah, most people who read my stuff know what is going on, but if not, let me just give you a little over-view.

cheater, STD carrier, child abuser, neglector of my children, consuming alcohol during my pregnancy, bi-polar, pathological liar, mis-using monies tended for my kids, and basically an over-all swell gal.

these all are things that i have been accused of over the past 12 years.

these are things a lot of people believe, people tend to believe the worst in others, it is just so much juicier.

but as i mentioned before, a cat is still just a cat no matter how many times you scream dog.

and it’s a rockin’ cat too.

why did the tortoise cross the road?

to live at the stodmors!!

on monday i was leaving for my run when i saw something moving in the middle of the road.

upon further inspection, i learned it was a tortoise.

and like anyone who has just found an amazing deal, i picked that baby up in my hot little hands and ran.

upon arriving home and showing the creations that live there, a flurry of google searches commenced.

we have a russian tortoise, male, fed properly, basking light, sun light, and cage.

it pooped a lot the first day.

which went along with the theme for monday.

cleaned up dog poop off queen’s foot.

cleaned up turtle poop anywhere it had been. (was the official turtle poop pooper scooper)

and at 11:15 that night, found baby kitty with cat poo all over its tail and back feet.

i ran upstairs with it clutched between my hands and arms straight out in front of me to enlist the help of my marital partner who was, at that very moment, upstairs singing kum-by-yah to the ladies for bed.

by the third verse, i was getting a little tired of the nighty-nighty and dry heaving from the smell.

we spent the next 10 minutes seriously violating the cat over the sink with wipes, water, and clorox wipes for good measure and then the thing had the audacity to poo again…..while in my arms……

oh cat poo!!

“that’s it! this cat in now an outdoor cat for the rest of its life!” the hubby said.

“the rest of its life?” i asked still traumatized by what just went down.

“ok, just tonight at least.”

agreed.

we sent it outside with the other cat for company.

three different species.

three different poos.

and they all stank.

PS. i think i might need to invest in a timer or you know, fix my oven so i don’t have to cook everything on the BBQ.cinnamon rolls anyone?

this is dedicated to the queen i love

while cleaning the queen’s room today i really started to notice the collections she has.

1) we have all things swimming and pillow collection.

2) we have the micro-bead, elmo, dinosaur, alligator, and singing bear collection. if you look closely, you will see fish eyes.

3) we have the ball collection, with one alligator. she likes alligators, i don’t know why.

4)  already been chewed gum.

5) all things musical, including one accordion.

6) a collection of tennis rackets (she has never actually played to my knowledge) and cleaning supplies and a lantern.

7)in this one we have her smell collection, another lantern, playdough, a collection of drinks she will never drink, books and water bottles.

8. and last but not least, christmas ornaments.

no one can dress up a room like queen.

what made me laugh yesterday……

first of all, the cat we just got is in heat. with it being so busy we have not gotten her fixed yet.

anyone who has had a cat in heat, it is a.n.n.o.y.i.n.g…….constant meowing and howling.

bird has been watching this and asking me why belle keeps going into midget mode.

she also likes to pick belle up all the time to snuggle her. when she does this, she always smells belle’s tummy first.

“why do you do this?” i asked her.

“to make sure she didn’t just fart.” bird said while walking away with belle snuggled in her arms.