booby war continues

as you are aware, we have had fascination with boobies and all that goes with it for a while.

while swimming at our local rec center, benjamin, was delighted to see that the woman with the biggest breasts in the entire rec center and smallest bikini top come into the hot tub where he just happened to be relaxing.


not so much.

“benjamin, don’t stare.” i reminded him.

and bless his heart, he did not, though it was an epic struggle.

i was feeling pretty good about our trip to booby paradise and thought we could leave the rec center having not made anyone uncomfortable and our heads held high, that is, until we were putting on our shoes.

“boobies!” ben said while pointing.

i turned to look and see him pointing at a man, who did have boobies, but probably did not need to have that fact pointed out.

another rec center, another walk of shame.


on a different note, i looked over at emma during church yesterday, to see her reading her book about lizards and their mating rituals.

it was the most enlightening moment i had in church.



boobies part II

“so, um, at lunch today benjamin had a ball and was going “boobies, boobies boobies.” the teacher told me as i picked him up from school today. she said all this in a whisper.

“oh.” this ‘oh’ was said with a long, drawn-out breath. “that is actually totally explainable.” i started to explain with a rather red face.

as you all may know from previous posts, benjamin is a walking, semi-filtered, hormone machine. maybe your memory needs some reminding. let me illuminate you with this: boobies

you see, we were all at the dinner table, where i was following every family building seminars ever written by sitting down for a meal, and we were discussing the difference between jr high boys and jr high girls to my rather boy crazy daughter.

“girls are like ‘oh my gosh, he is so cute.’ and boys are like ‘boobies, boobies, boobies!!” i spelled out for my daughter. explaining why that is the reason you should keep a very large stay-outside-of-my-line radius when dealing with said booby fanatics.

apparently, not only was my boy crazy daughter listening, so was my hormone filled son listening, and took his lesson to be taught at school.

we do have the hard-core booby staring down to a minimum, it does not help that he has learned to wolf whistle.



the bear is your typical, red-blooded, hormone driven teen-age boy.

he is also your normal, red-blooded, autistic, non-filter teen-age boy.

when these two worlds collide, be ready for the summer of boobies.

we went to lava hot springs last week.

or, as bear seems to think, bikini wonderland.

“belly buttons!!” he told me while walking in.

“yep, that is a nice belly button. don’t stare.” it seems to work better if we acknowledge his belly button find.

he has also learned to power of the swim goggles.

he likes to float around with his floatie around his middle and dive under with his goggles when the girls get close.

we spend a lot of time pulling him and his goggles away.

at the lake, as i was cleaning things up to head home, i looked over to see bear bending over examining a belly button very closely.

the girl had no idea a 6’1″, 237 lb hulk was checking out her belly button as she was blissfully tanning with her eyes closed.

her family behind her did, and they were laughing their heads off.


not so much.

i got this picture when bear realized there were girls sitting across from him and suddenly decided to sit on the edge of the hot tub.


helloooooooo ladies.

i should feel some responsibility of my own in his ogling trait he seems to have inherited.

i did a bit of that myself when a walking photo shop of a man walked into the pool.

i am serious, he looked like he had been photo shopped, he was that perfect.

before you judge me, the happily married man playing with his kids next to me also thought this man was exceptional.

how do i know this?

probably by the holy trilogy he utteredĀ as the man walked in.

i have learned in this whole puberty shenanigans with bear, that is does not matter if the dude has mental disabilities or is as normal as corn in kansas, boys will be boys.