white girl strikes again

the hardest thing for me while running, is not to break out my wicked awesome white girl dance moves while listening to my music. therefore creating a dance block party of epic proportion that will cause the shut down of at least 3 major freeways and 2 side streets.

i taught him everything he knows.

what i don’t understand, is how francis buxton, of pee wee herman fame,


and uma thurman, of pulp fiction fame, made it on this episode of batman.




the real reason the seahawks won

i just want you all to know the real reason for the seahawks’ miraculous win, was because my daughter prayed they would.

and as soon as she said ‘amen,’ she immediately knocked on wood to avoid the jinx,┬átherefore covering both religious and pagan rituals.

and that, dear readers, is how you raise a child.

luckysaid no one ever.

can’t unring that bell

i will be 43 this year.

in that 43 years, i have not ever used the mother of all bad words.

that’s right, the ‘F’ word.


not only did i decide to use it.

i used it 3 times in a row.

while yelling.

while at work.

and at someone who may or may have been my supervisor.

and as my tongue suddenly decided to take a walk on the wrong side of the tracks, all i could think while yelling this word was: ‘my mother will kill me.” except i used her first name in my head. “frances will kill me.”

i am in my 43rd year of life, a mother myself, owner of a home, car, bills, and old enough to yell profanities if i darn well feel like it. but still, thoughts of what my mother would do if she had been standing there pop into my head.


and that, gentle readers, is the power of this name.


to the boy who thinks he can like my daughter

dear don juan,

your christmas gifts were thoughtful.

your shy glances, endearing.

your thoughtful questions, nice.

your manners, a winner.

thinking you can share your love in clever words you learned in beginner spanish with my 12 year old and suddenly become her boyfriend?


listen rico,


until your voice does not sound like mine, and you need to shave,

just keep walking by.



just be glad i haven’t told her father yet.

the first two days can say a lot about how your year will be

upon arriving home from work this morning, and walking into my humble abode, i was hit by a wall of poo smell.

“oh.my.gosh. did the dog poo?” i asked.

“no, that was us, we have just all been pooing this morning.” replied one of my poo smelling children.

i took matters into my own non-smelling poo hands and got the matches to light the candles.

i still had my stocking hat on, which my hair lives vicariously through, so it has braids.


somehow, in the process of striking the match, it broke in half, flew end over end, and landed on my hat.

therefore, catching my hat on fire.

while still on my head.

“@#$%” i said, while sucking in smoke, ripping my hat off my head.

“what happened?” my poo smelling child asked.

“i just set myself on fire!!”

she just stared at me.

things i learned while on fire, although briefly.

1) i could never be a smoker, just the one mouthful and my dreams of sexy smoking were over.


2) it is only 2 days into the new year and i have already set myself on fire.

it is going to be one helluva year.

new year’s resolution: hair war

i have decided that in 2015 i will take the world on with wigs.

some days i just might feel like this:


nothing says ‘can-do’ like nicely feathered hair.

maybe i might feel like this to do my shopping:


because nothing screams red, white and blue more than shopping at wal mart.

or maybe i might feel like a hot night out with the hubby:



and instead of buying my kid a big wheel, i am just going to wear one:

big wheel

hello 2015.

hello sparkle.


this is one new year’s resolution i can keep.