how to kill all the love in your marriage

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

“the doctor said you needed to go in and get more blood work.” i told the hubby.

“don’t worry i will.” the hubby, the great procrastinator, said.

when the doctor says your blood work is all messed up, and to come back in and get it re-done, that just seems like something you take care of immediately.

“i will make the appointment.” i said.

“no, you will not.” he said.

“yes, i will.” i said.

“i will go when you make a dentist appointment to get your teeth cleaned.” he triumphed.

stalemate for approximately 2 seconds, dental appointment made.

see, i have a severe dental phobia.

the last time i had my teeth cleaned was 24 years ago.

on monday, i faced that fear and went.

my blood pressure is usually 117/72.

at the dentist office the first reading was 142/96.

“that is really high.” the hygienist said. (why don’t they just…

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I’VE BEEN ROBBED!!!!!!!!

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

friday night we did everything we possibly could to make sure our vehicle was broken into while eating at cafe rio.

unlocked vehicle? check.

debit/credit/and any other card the thief would want in plain view? check.

cell phone left behind? check.

personal dvd player? sure, take that too.

apparently we take the ‘come unto Jesus and share all you have’ teachings to heart.

that, or we are just REALLY stupid.

show of hands who vote for choice number two. (dad you are not allowed to vote)

let me try to paraphrase our first victim of crime experience.

a) found partially eaten subway sandwich in our vehicle……we did not eat at subway.

b)knew immediately we were robbed.

c)knew immediately when calling cops and were asked the question ‘what damage was done to the vehicle?’ our culpability in the crime would be known.

c.1) it was known immediately.

d)sent strongly worded text…

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it all depends on the poorness

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

“there’s no one i’d rather be poor with than you.” i told my hubby this morning after we discussed what we had for the next two weeks moolah wise.

“well, you don’t really have a choice.” he pointed out.

oh but i do my dear sweet hubby, you are hubby #2 remember?

“just look at it this way, we are at the top of the poor bucket. we may be poor, but dang it we make poor look inviting!” i like putting spin on things, it just looks so much better when the equilibrium is off.

that’s right, we are the proverbial frog in a bucket that swam and swam until it got out.

moral of that story?

no one wanted the cream after a frog was in it and the frog just stunk like sour cream when it did get out so all the other frogs shunned him.

really…

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coming full circle

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

shortly after queen was diagnosed, we were at a church activity where i sat and watched a teen-aged boy run back and forth flapping his hands looking up at the lights in the gym.

i was still settling into the shell shock of the diagnosis, still letting go of the dreams i had for her, and still trying to figure out what exactly life held for us.

“i do not want that for my daughter.” i silently thought.

i still thought that the boy i was watching must be terribly unhappy being able to do nothing but run back and forth flapping his hands.

“i cannot let that happen.” i vowed.

tonight at the pool, queen was walking back and forth along the edge flapping her hands and looking up at the lights on occasion.

“does she have a diagnosis?” a grandmother next to me asked.

“yes, autism.” i answered. i still do not like to…

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to my mom, the goat fighter

my mother, step back!

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

anyone who knows my mom knows this woman is tough.

no, tough is too sissy of a term for her.

she if T.U.F.F. (most of you know i do not use capital letters often on my blog,  so that puts an emphasis on her toughness)

don’t believe me?

let me regale you with examples that will sway even the most ardent disbelievers.

1) the epic battle with the goat……my mother owned an orange terry cloth robe when i was growing up. i am sure it started out fluffy, but she is so tough i only remember it being well-worn. anyways, we were watching out the back door as our mother took on the neighbor’s goat who just happened to be eating in her garden, a garden he was clearly not invited to. there was the goat standing on his hind legs kicking at my mother and there was my mother…

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why i like working in bird’s class

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

“it’s the torturer!!” kids started whispering when i walked into the classroom this morning.

why do they call me the torturer? at the beginning of the school year, as each student went back into the classroom to get the next student to come out to the hall and work with me i would say: “tell the next person i tortured you really bad and that they should be scared.”

they gladly fulfilled this request for me.

the kid would come out completely worried, then we would visit, laugh and do the work. the relief was such that each child would work remarkably well.

that and i told them i knew the devil…..personally.

today, as i was waiting for the list of students i would be working with a little boy came up to the teacher.

“teacher, the girl just picked her nose and wiped it on my desk.” i giggled before i could stop myself.

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you can take the kid out of gradeschool…….

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

yesterday, i was at the girl’s elementary school with other responsible ( i would be the semi-responsible) parents listening to teachers tell us what the children can expect this school year.

as i was looking at queen, and then the teacher, and then the books next to me, and then the drinking fountain in the classroom thinking i was thirsty, and then some other object, i noticed a mother sitting at the table, with excellent posture, taking notes on the power point presentation.

“what? does she think there is going to be a test?” i thought. “what a nerd.”

you can take the kid out of grade school, but eventually they will go back as an adult and still spot the nerd.

another disturbing responsible mother trend i see happening is at bird’s soccer games. each parent has a week they are in charge of treats.

no prob.

but this year, the parents are sending…

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