why i like working in bird’s class

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

“it’s the torturer!!” kids started whispering when i walked into the classroom this morning.

why do they call me the torturer? at the beginning of the school year, as each student went back into the classroom to get the next student to come out to the hall and work with me i would say: “tell the next person i tortured you really bad and that they should be scared.”

they gladly fulfilled this request for me.

the kid would come out completely worried, then we would visit, laugh and do the work. the relief was such that each child would work remarkably well.

that and i told them i knew the devil…..personally.

today, as i was waiting for the list of students i would be working with a little boy came up to the teacher.

“teacher, the girl just picked her nose and wiped it on my desk.” i giggled before i could stop myself.

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you can take the kid out of gradeschool…….

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

yesterday, i was at the girl’s elementary school with other responsible ( i would be the semi-responsible) parents listening to teachers tell us what the children can expect this school year.

as i was looking at queen, and then the teacher, and then the books next to me, and then the drinking fountain in the classroom thinking i was thirsty, and then some other object, i noticed a mother sitting at the table, with excellent posture, taking notes on the power point presentation.

“what? does she think there is going to be a test?” i thought. “what a nerd.”

you can take the kid out of grade school, but eventually they will go back as an adult and still spot the nerd.

another disturbing responsible mother trend i see happening is at bird’s soccer games. each parent has a week they are in charge of treats.

no prob.

but this year, the parents are sending…

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a strep test

i know it should say ‘swab’ instead of ‘swap’ proof-reading and attention to detail is clearly lacking in my repertoire.

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

back in early august when were at the home ranch with all the other genetically related individuals in my life,

my kids got a sore throat.

now some reading this right now my assume it was MY kids that started this little sickly trend,

but may i remind what assuming does?

makes an…..

well you know what i mean.

anyhoo,

i took two of the kids to the dr.’s today because they said their throats were hurting again.

maybe it is something.

while in the the office chicka and keats were weighted (keat’s has finally broke into the 100’s) and checked to see how hot they are.

they answered the nurse’s questions and we were well on our way to a diagnosis.

“i am going to go get the strep tests to swap the throats and get it started” said the very helpful male nurse.

and out the door he…

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after 13 years of marriage, we are still virgins

we went out for a celebratory event last night.

the ‘we’ in the above sentence would be the hubby and i.

being the wild and crazy kids that we are, we ordered a blended margarita…….straight-up virgin.

“huh,” the hubby said, “i am actually disappointed, i was expecting it to taste the jelly belly margarita flavor.”

jelly

we are so hard-core, we make the hard-core want to drink virgin margaritas until they fall over in a virginal state.

that’s right, it just got real.

real

 

my alarm clock

why children will kill me.

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

“mom, i clogged the toilet with my poop. i did not think it was that big, but the toilet is clogged.” un-favorite child #1 announced.

“yeah, it was long and big and made a weird sound.” un-favorite child #2 added to the public service announcement.

both of these smiling little angels were peering at me as i tried to open my eyes and focus on what exactly my day was going to be like.

“but don’t worry mom, just go back to sleep, it will still be there when you get up.”

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not for the faint of heart

marriage is hard.

Stodmor's Blog: Surviving motherhood without eating your young

marriage is not for the weak.

especially when you share a bed with someone.

someone who has no control over their bodily function while sleeping.

some very sulfurous odor work me at 3:20 am.

i realized it was coming from right beside me.

the very person right beside me sleeping under the same blanket i was.

i quickly laid on top of the blanket thinking this dead-smell was some how seeping into the pores of my skin.

the smell was so bad i just got up and did the paper route.

“you smelled so bad last night.” i told the hubby

“that makes sense, i was just thinking i am not very gassy this morning and wondered why.”

yes folks, it is true love that makes me see/look/hear/and smell this man and still not get enough.

a public service announcement

bird likes to use her makeup kit to do make-overs…

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