a fairy tale

once upon a time, there was a loving couple talking about a local college team that just lost to a really bad team.

“there is no way they get into the tourney now.” said the obviously bad spouse.

“if they beat gonzaga i think they still could have a chance.” said the obviously more loving and tender spouse.

“you can bet anything you want, that is how sure i am that they will never beat gonzaga.” said the obviously villainous spouse.

“ok, the whole family will fly up to washington for a vacation.” said the spouse who was so wholesome and good that she only wore white.

guess who is flying with the family to washington?

the wholesome spouse immediately called the villainous spouse upon hearing the good news.

“i know i should let you out of this bet, but i just can’t do that. in fact, i will break your kneecaps.” said the still wholesome and white wearing spouse who may now have a speck of black due to the bookie talk.

“i know, i have been considering where i will get my second job at.” said the chastened spouse.

being the wholesome spouse who is loving, kind, and talks to all sorts of woodland creatures, i will compile a list of jobs to consider:

1) plasma donation.

2) pimp.

and they all lived happily ever after.



just because you are a woman does not mean you should be in the kitchen

“mom, do we own a fire extinguisher?” one of my kids asked.

he later told me that he asked this in a calm voice as to not panic anyone.

side note: if ANY of your children ask if you own a fire extinguisher…..PANIC.

after learning that we do not, in fact, own a fire extinguisher, he said we might have a problem.

006those are not left over cigarettes.

they are not even nice coals for making smores.

those are french fries that i burned to the point of bursting into flames.

turns out that’s what happens when you turn your oven on broil without realizing it.

“french fry fire, my french fries…” moaned bear over and over while making pretend crying sounds behind me as we surveyed the damage after putting out the fire.

score another one for the domestically challenged.