bringing back an old friend

well folks it is time, once again, to bring back an old favorite of mine. that’s right, the ex.

no matter how many times you use ‘clearly’, ‘belligerently’, and ‘repeatedly’ in a poorly written affadavit…..it is still a lie.

i will get you a thesaurus so you can come up with some new words as these ones are getting boring after 12 years of use.

don’t thank me, i am just kind that way.

and once more for good measure: some things are too good to keep hidden in the media library.

reality TV meets reality

the hubby’s brother got us a 3 month free trial of netflix for christmas.

we are now junkies, every time netflix does not work or does not load fast enough we fear that our free trial has run out, it is traumatizing for all involved.

i have developed a gigantic crush on this man:  and if the show was still on, i would leave my family just to travel with him and eat the food.

i am a soulless woman.

but this post is not about me, it is about my lovelies.

my daughters have become fervent fans of this man: (we seem to have a thing for short, chubby, dark-haired men) and yesterday they asked if they could make cakes and cupcakes.

“sure,” i said. “i have cake mixes downstairs.”

they whipped those babies up and got them cooking then came to me and asked:

“so, where are those little things that we can squeeze the frosting out of and make fancy designs?” one asked rubbing her hands together.

“i don’t own any.” i, killer of dreams, replied.

“nothing?” she asked in shock.

“nothing.” i replied in non-shock.

“do you know how to make that frosting that is hard?” she tried again.

“no.” said i, now having massacred their dreams.

“what about cut-outs? any cut-outs?” now they were both staring at me incredulously.

“nothing. although i do have food coloring.” i offered.

“looks like we are going to have to work some magic ourselves.”  she said walking away.

although they dreamed of this when those betty crocker cakes mix boxes were opened:

they created this from the lowliest kitchen around:TLC…… unwittingly killing children’s dreams one show at a time.

just wait until our daughters find out we don’t say yes to the dress.

right back atcha

bear informed me i was getting on his last nerve yesterday……well guess what buddy? you were clogging on my last nerve!

you know, the more vocabulary he masters, the better his insults are getting.

do you remember these? 

do you remember incessantly asking people to pick a color, a number, a name?

to my parents: i……am……..so……..sorry.

the origami fortune-teller has entered our home and my immediate future holds a box a matches for the next fortune-teller to ask me to pick a color, flower, cupid, or heart!

as i mentioned earlier, queen is working her IPAD magic with her magical tutor and putting phrases together like “sir tickles”, “mom love” “rosy funny” “me funny” (apparently the last one really cracked her up)

if i have not mentioned it before, I LOVE THE IPAD!!!!!

now to read my fortune for today: i forgot bear and queen’s backpacks only to realize it upon arriving at their school AND also realizing that bear’s pants were on backwards……..that adds up to pure AWESOMENESS for this day.

BUT, the prelude to today was yesterday’s awesomeness when i sat down to take a test i spent three hours over the weekend studying for only to realize i studied for the wrong test. it was like being in front of a crowd with just my underwear on…….only worse.

i see a high GPA in my future.

causations

23% of people in a most earth-shattering poll stated that the following bugs them most about their significant other:

their laugh.

how petty.

mine is not petty at all.

not….at….all……

mine is mismatched socks.

mismatched dress socks to be precise.

i have a pile and could not figure out how can we possibly keep missing dress socks.

“hey! guess what i found in a box on my side of the room?” the hubby asked.

i could not guess, his side of the room is his side of the room for a very specific reason.

” dress socks that need a match!!”

mystery solved.

money, credit, annoying laugh…..these don’t cause strife in a marriage.

the real reason is missing socks, just go into any family court room and check the dress socks…..betcha they are mismatched.

 

how hard is it to keep argyles together? it’s not like they go with anything else.

why having a non-verbal autistic daughter rocks my world

1) she checks out books at the library like this:

that’s right, she totally skipped the easy origami and went straight to the not-so-easy origami.

she’s obviously driven.

2)she also checks out these:

and

why? i don’t know, she won’t tell me.

3) she goes to the bathroom with this:

which leads me to believe everyone should go to the bathroom with pinwheels.

and last

4) without even saying a word she kicked me out of her room this morning like a moody teen-ager quite effectively.

and THAT is why she rocks my world.