top 10 of 11, read it sober or not…….i think not might make it more interesting.

the family has helped put this list together…….drum roll please……..1) appendix

2) broken arm

3) california trip/break down/losing bumper cover in middle of nevada

4) charlie horse in pool

5) chicka asking “mom, why does bear like to look at the victoria secret store now and why does he have a goofy look on his face every time he does?”…….he’s male.

6)the hike of the decade (i know it is only the first year in the decade but still)

7)actually getting away with the hubby.

8)hard parenting lessons

9)words of wisdom for the children

10)milestones, and more milestones

goal for 2012: owning my body and finally trying to like it. (lumps and all) and this.

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the real reason about the inn

after much study and meditation it has come to my attention that there was actually room at the inn, there was just a pet policy.

mary and joseph had a pet, look closely:if the headless man does not convince you, look closer:

they clearly owned a pet dragon.

and that is why we have dragons today.

this false but completely useful information has been brought to you by the historical society of stodmor land.

why my kids are more awesome than yours

if you don’t like reading blogs about kids…….stop now.

if you have low self-esteem……stop now.

but if you like to immerse yourself in pure awesomeness……..read on.

reason one: i stepped on dismembered body parts while taking my shower.

reason two:no one, and i mean NO ONE, can work an echo microphone like bear.

reason three:pure joy from sniffing lotion.

reason four:movies are watched with weaponry.

reason number five:they make their own make-up

reason number six:this is the favorite present of queen.

and reason number seven:my gifts from my children were a pet comb to comb my ceramic dog while sipping libations from my funky glass while doing identical cross word puzzles (given to me by two different children)

it is a sin to be a braggart but i believe in repentance.

i am just compelled to

i finally have a working camera and because i have this working camera i am compelled, no i must, take pictures of no real meaning at all and share them just because i have a working camera.

first of all, a cat fight.

cat calls and cat whistles were included.

then we had chicka auditioning for the ‘bump it’ hair infomercial.

then there is the 6 lbs of nacho cheese in a can we got. i would like to note that it is not sunshine illuminating this can, it is its own heavenly light emanating from the can.

how does one eat 6 lbs of nacho cheese?

one bite at a time my friends, one bite at a time……muy bueno.

merry christmas from the stodmor blog.

may you find yourself under a christmas wreath thinking it is mistletoe and have the same reaction.

an update: yesterday’s post described my foray into holiday cooking and i am here to tell you that 2.5 batches of cookie dough turned out. one was completely thrown out and the .5 was flatter than paper when cooked. also, the neighbor girl had her tooth kicked right out of her head on our trampoline; rumor has it that the tooth was loose but judging by the size of the hole left behind i’d have to say it was not that loose AND the fudge had chunks.

complete success.

prep silence

i have been mentally prepping for the most challenging part of christmas the past couple of days.

the baking.

how do i prepare?

like this:and a little super power mojo meditation:why do i need all of this?

because this is what fudge of christmas past produced:now you know why i must prepare mentally and emotionally for today.

wish me luck.it is already off to a rough start, 3 stores no caramel.

so what did i use to substitute? i always see these in little glass bowls at old people’s house.

and old people are never wrong, so they must be good.

a cryptic thank you to santa’s elves

last night we were the recipients of a very kind gift that was signed by ‘santa’s elves’

i like to picture my elves like this: this gift made us feel completely unworthy of it and very humble and unbelievably full of gratitude. the kindness in others never ceases to amaze us.

as we talked as a family we decided to best way to say thank you is to pay it forward somehow and that is how i have ended up here at 6:27 am eating a frosted sugar cookie with a cup of milk.

we have decided to the best way to pay it forward is to hitch a ride on the first YMCA senior bus (i hear you get great discounts) heading to wendover and give lady luck a whirl.

no, no, no…….i type in jest.

i totally meant las vegas.

comes without filter, installation required

bear has gone through some interesting phases.

there was the insisting he should only wear a robe all day every day. that lasted about a week.

then there was the time that once the car was in the parking spot, there was no reversing to correct………ever. that also applied if you were pulling out of the driveway to leave, you MUST NOT pull back in for any reason, even if you forgot something……..EVER. that lasted years.

but now, now we are entering in the puberty stage.

how did i know we were entering the puberty stage? when i went to the store to buy queen some underwear and bear was with me, one look at the package cover and he was bent over grabbing himself saying “help me!!!” and just like that i had a pubescent 13-year-old.

i mention this to explain my following letter to the two women at the pool.

dear ladies who thought they were in the Caribbean,

i am genuinely happy that you have the bodies that look like you only eat once a day, and by eating once a day i mean an orange that you moved by your nose while saying “mmmm, zesty!” and then considered yourself full having never even taken a bite here is what i do not understand.

why in the diddly-hell did you feel the need to lounge by the kids section of the pool in your triangle-barely-there-string bikini?!

are you trying to impress the 5-year-olds?

maybe the teen-age life guards?

maybe the average mr. joe plumber who just looked at his average mrs. joe plumber wife and dreamed just a little?

please for the love of all that is holy and stretch-marked put some damn clothes on.

oh, for the days of full swimsuits.sincerely,

the mother of un-filtered 13-year-old boy.

that’s right, bear does not have a filter. if he sees something he likes (like belly buttons) he points to that belly button while saying “look mom!!” with me dragging him away telling him we don’t point, and yes i see, and yes i see what it does to you.

bear is very kind that way, if it is something he likes, he just assumes every one will like it too.

given the pool side fashionistas, we are  doing a lot of dragging at the pool these days.

it does not just keep to the pool. have you ever really looked at the disney characters? belly buttons galore, not to mention tiny waists and well-defined boobs. it has made me realize two things: 1) movie time just changed drastically for bear. and 2) there are a lot of disney animators with unfulfilled teen fantasies.

i know eventually we will get the filter installed with bear.

and i know that this is a life-long thing of admiring belly buttons and boobs.

how do i know this?

i am married.