for the past about 8 years our neighbors, we’ll call them the lifferths to protect their identity, have been asking us to go hiking with them.
this year was no different.
“come do ding and dang with us, it is an easy hike, even queen and bear could do it.” they wheedled.
now for those of you who may not know, queen is the one i was bragging about winning her first race earlier this school year.
i also pointed out the kid she was racing was blind and had leg braces AND there were two people pushing queen from behind.
SO…..when they say even queen and bear can do this hike i am expected a leisurely stroll with specialty drinks. instead of brining the queen and bear, i brought my two girls and niece ages 9 and 7 respectively.
i should have had some clue upon our arrival at the welcoming gate when the first car asked for directions to the trail head and the nice ranger lady said “you should not bring kids on that hike, it is too technical.” and refused to give directions to trail head.
i was still assured it was easy.
this is what i found the next day.you may note there are no specialty drinks in this picture.
here are some things we had in our favor: 1) a freak of nature hiker. how good was he? he wore white to hike in…….AND STAYED CLEAN. 2) we had a doctor in our group which was not the most important to me, because if i fell down the ‘easy hike’ i was just planning on staying there to die; he was tall……we could hand children down to him. 3) i made sure my hair was pink so if we got lost and had aerial searchers looking for us i would be spotted first.
things not in our favor: 1) bird had a cast on her arm which made grabbing onto already smooth sandstone very difficult. at one point she was seen trying to chew off her cast with her bare teeth. 2) one of our group, i will call her my niece to protect her identity, was a friggin’ water hog and drank most of our water in the first 1/2 of our hike. she will not only have her own camel pack next time, but a camel. 3) we were on this hike.
in one particular slot i was looking over the edge knowing i had to get myself and kids down and realized i needed to pull up my xena warrior princess undies and man-up. unfortunately what i was actually wearing were my hanes no-more-ride-ups hipster undies which are very unmotivating.
i looked over the edge again and informed the people behind me to go on ahead, i was planning on staying right there and living off the land.
well, we did make it out alive and have scrapes, scars, and therapist bills to prove it and i have done some research into other hikes put on by my neighbor and came to this very solid conclusion……
i am living next to hiking serial killers.