first off, my clone would know i was hankering for chocolate chip cookies this morning and already have them made.
not just make the dough, but cook the dough in individual cookies instead of just throwing the batter in a cake pan and calling it ‘cookie cake’ because i am too lazy to take the time to cook them individually.
second, my clone would eat all the cookies therefore satisfying my sugar craving and i would look smokin’ hot from the lack of cookie consumption.
looking smokin’ hot might be hard because most of the time i would probably send my clone out to run for me too, probably throw in some pilates and yoga for good measure.
my clone would be the one who would have to share its food with the kids every time they walk by.
i would eat it all in bliss; which, once again, might get in the way of lookin’ all hot and sexy.
my clone would get up to do the paper route.
and like it.
my clone would shower when i am just too tired to care and miraculously i would be the one coming out squeaky clean and smoothly shaven.
all while i slept.
but most importantly,
my clone would realize how filthy my freezer was before telling out-of-town guests to ‘just put it in the freezer’
unfortunately, it was my non-clone, which is surprisingly a lot like me, that cleaned out the freezer this morning.
someone has to stop me from being stupid……
last night at 11:15 pm, queen was up and restless and wandering around upstairs.
i was the complete opposite of all the above except wandering around upstairs with her.
“what do you want to do?” i asked her giving her the IPAD.
she immediately said “i want to go to wal mart.”
i admit it, it is still like she is talking to me and after waiting for 14 years to have her tell me something……well, i was in the car immediately heading to wal mart.
and what was so important that we had to make an almost midnight run?
my calculations put it at 1,999 bottles of sunscreen.
but no, she just wanted to smell it.
we all love chicken run now and can quote it for you if you like.
in fact, let me share a joke from it.
a horse walks into a bar and is asked ‘hey buddy, why the long face?’
hilarity and laughter ensue.
now go enjoy some chicken, but run while you are doing it.
i can’t take it anymore.
i give up.
the dog has won.
she is the great escape artist.animal control showed up this morning because the neighbor called.
and the neighbor should call, she is that annoying.
the dog, not the neighbor.
i had just let her off her lease to go to the bathroom and not even 5 minutes later she was gone.
“i just need to come in your fence and look.” said the animal control officer.
we went along the whole fence line, behind bushes, trees, and flowers.
we have done everything we can to keep this dog in.
“i was going to ticket you until i saw your fence. you really have tried, some dogs are just escape artists no matter how much the pet owner tries.”
there is also no money for the electric fence so that is pretty much a moot point.
“happy eve before anniversary.” the hubby told me last night.
he was not trying to be overly romantic, oh no, he was once again reminding me of our anniversary knowing i would have totally forgot it.
just like i forgot his birthday that one year.
you see, i forget important things.
the hubby farts on me in his sleep.
i am grumpy in the morning.
he talks WAY too much in the morning.
he has REALLY bad morning breath.
i have stinky pits.
we have hurt each others feelings.
he knows every insane fact about nothing and shares it freely.
i drive him insane with my inability to just sit by him for more than 5 minutes.
we have argued.
we have annoyed each other.
we have seen each other at their worst.
and then we laugh about it afterwards.
and that is why we will be hangin’ together for the next 10 years.
we have found each other.
we have found each other’s flaws and stinkiness.
and we have found the one that will let us be our complete self without recrimination.
yep, i think that is what they call love.