what do you call……

queen and bear had their track meet today.

i forgot my camera.

epic pictures will all have to be imagined.

queen did the 100 m dash and the long jump.

surprisingly enough, she acutally galloped down the long jump run-way, then stepped into the pit. i think her measurement was less than a foot.

hurrah!!

bear did the 100m dash, 200m dash, and the long jump.

i LOVE these track meets, they are just pure fun.

the announcer was having some fun too.

he did a comedy bit and i am here to share some with you……just remember that each line starts with What do you call….which we will shorten to WDYC for typing purposes and i am lazy.

WDYC a man with no arms and no legs that hangs on a wall? Art

WDYC two men with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Curt and Rod

WDYC a man with no arms and no legs that sits in a hole? Phil

WDYC a man with no arms and no legs that made the hole? Doug

WDYC a man with no arms and no legs that filled the hole with money? Rich

WDYC a man with no arms and no legs that swims? Bob

WDYC a man with no arms and no legs that sits on a porch?Matt.

maybe it was the sunshine.

maybe it was the atmosphere.

maybe it was just hangin’ with some queen and bear that made everything a little bit brighter.

but, heaven forgive me, i laughed at every single one; and not just a smile, an out loud laugh.

why i like working in bird’s class

“it’s the torturer!!” kids started whispering when i walked into the classroom this morning.

why do they call me the torturer? at the beginning of the school year, as each student went back into the classroom to get the next student to come out to the hall and work with me i would say: “tell the next person i tortured you really bad and that they should be scared.”

they gladly fulfilled this request for me.

the kid would come out completely worried, then we would visit, laugh and do the work. the relief was such that each child would work remarkably well.

that and i told them i knew the devil…..personally.

today, as i was waiting for the list of students i would be working with a little boy came up to the teacher.

“teacher, the girl just picked her nose and wiped it on my desk.” i giggled before i could stop myself.

“take a tissue and tell the girl to clean up her own booger.” i watched as the girl, very smugly i might add, cleaned up her own booger.

score one for the girls.

today’s work was sounding out letters.

“that’s a bad word.” the student informed me.

i looked at the word again.

“that says ‘bob’, i don’t think that is a bad word.”

“are you sure?”

“yes, a lot of bob’s would be very surprised to find their parents named them a bad word.”

“ok.”

“you just said a bad word.” he informed me a few seconds later.

“‘holy cow’ is not a bad word. most cows want to be holy. i promise to tell you if i say a bad word.”

“promise?”

“cross my heart.”

luckily, no bad words were used.

and last, they had to write a story about what they would do if springville flooded.

one wrote that he would just pull the plug.

duh.

another informed me that no matter how fast we swim, everyone in the universe is going to die anyways.

i am going to go out on a limb here and say his parents own a mayan calendar.

how i know i am still in the thick of it

homework, piano practice, friends over, dropping off/picking up, snacks, dinner, more friends knocking on door, questions, uploading video, shooting video, more questions, baths, video upload did not work, save file, upload again, more baths, laundry, dinner, dinner not eaten, calling players to cancel softball practice because of rain, sun comes out 1 hour later, help child memorize 20 lines from romeo and juliet (just once i wish Shakespeare used 2 syllable word limit) load family for RIO movie, everyone watching movie, child suddenly vomits all over, in movie bathroom trying to clean child up, sensor sink not helping, load child in car to take home, text hubby, he texts back, i text him back, clean up child at home, wait for text to come and get the rest of family………feel long hairs under my chin that need plucking (is that really necessary God? when creating us, could you just not give us any chin hair? is that too much to ask?)

the following paragraph took place in a 5 hour span, there are still 2 hours till bedtime.

i am up a creek (or crick depending on geographical location) and in the middle of motherhood.

the 8 ball bites back

“what’s wrong?” i asked chicka as i followed her into the bathroom seeing her crying.

she proceeded to tell me that a question was asked about her to the magic 8 ball that was somewhat embarrassing, and the 8 ball said yes.

here’s the thing, the 8 ball was correct, chicka did happen to do this somewhat embarrassing thing.

here’s the other thing, as chicka fervently believes in the power of the 8 ball she assumes that everyone else fervently believes in the power of the magic 8 ball and her somewhat embarrassing secret was now in the wide-open for all to know.

as i rocked her and told her no one would think anything of it and that they all just laughed because they thought it was a joke, i realized the 8 ball has become some powerful mo-jo amongst my off-spring.

but it is hard to argue with a little ball that has solved all arguments for the past 2 weeks.

it’s staying.

catching up

we have been busy here in stodmor land so let us just do a quick catch-up.

first off, chicka had her first track meet yesterday, it is a city-wide meet for all 3rd graders. given the procreating ability of mormons that means approximately 2.1 million 8/9 year olds were running.

we gave her some advice….’keep looking forward when you run, you can’t smile, wave, or talk to people while you are running your race.’

why did we have to tell her this?

because she has done all three things last time she raced.

she placed 2nd in the 50 and 1st in the 100 m dash in the semis, but was not fast enough to make the finals.

that’s okay, her heart was in the softball throw.

she just stood, flat-footed, and let the softball fly, she got 3rd. she is ESTATIC!!!

sir, upon seeing how far she threw just flat-footed, has immediately started teaching her some form while throwing. in fact, that is where they are right now.

did i mention he started teaching her to hit a ball with a bat when she was 3?

the softball throw has a special meaning to me. you see, in 3rd grade i too had a track meet (given the procreating ability of newport there were about 50 kids there)

i told my parents i was the best thrower in the universe (that was saying something since we were trekies and knew the universe was GIGANTIC)

of course i was totally lying.

the big day arrived and my parents were proudly behind me waiting to see their daughter clobber the competition.

i did not.

in fact i threw the ball straight up in the air and it landed 8 ft in front of me.

chicka threw over 65 feet just standing flat-footed.

mom and dad? you finally have someone in the family tree that can throw a softball for real. (of course i should mention my sisters lou and roonie KILL it with softball)

next, today bear played pretend.

pretend with toys, scenes, words, actions, and no TV on that he was following and he played for about 30 minutes.

all from HIS imagination.

it was beautiful to watch.

and it was 12 years in the making.

cast of characters that starred in bear’s acts today: mr. and mrs. potato head, woody, buzz and zooboomafoo.

next, today queen had her tutoring so ms. jackson and the queen heading to wal mart with her trusty IPAD that had her grocery list on it and did some shopping, queen style.

when i saw her cart, i laughed out loud.

water, gummy bears, m&m’s, smelly candle, resolve carpet cleaner, football, squishy ball, shampoo, oil of olay age-defying scrub, and a clay mask facial cleaner.

i plan on stealing the clay mask when she lets it go, which won’t be soon, and i am going to try some of her age-defying scrub when she ain’t lookin’.

did you know they have age-defying toothpaste?

and last, i may have mentioned the magic 8 ball before.

well, now the majority of the family is using it to answer all things important.

‘will something happen to my husband?’ chicka asked.

‘is chicka a liar?” bird asked (fight ensued)

‘will i have a good day?” keats asked on his way out.

jobs, futures, money, what to do, all are answered with the magic 8 ball.

keats even suggested we get a family one as he feels chicka’s is somehow tainted against him since she is the owner.

i love me some good ol’ logical thinking.

the unknown hazards of green tea

the hubby has been dippin’ into the green tea lately.

the hubby has been highly energized lately.

the hubby is so energized that he put me in a sleeper hold today.

for those of you who don’t know what a sleeper hold is, let me show you.

i would like to state that we were not in a wrestling ring or in wrestling attire.

of course, this was after i insisted we settle all our discussions with the magic 8 ball and most of the answers for him were this:

except when he asked the magic 8 ball if i believed it more than i believed in religion, the 8 ball replied ‘yes.’

then, he chased me down the street as i was leaving for a walk with queen and bear because of a coupon that i stated already had the picture on it so he did not need to pull the object out of the freezer to make sure i got the correct thing.

i was a complete innocent in the whole conversation (the magic 8 ball would reply very doubtful right now)

he is feisty.

very feisty.

after consulting the magic 8 ball, the green tea has gotta go.

the power of reading

i went to cali with the two girls this past week.

they are good travelers, throw food at them randomly, stop for potty breaks and we are good to go.

there used to be a lot of fighting about shotgun between these two ladies.

in fact, at the beginning of the school year, i had to make a chart so we could keep track of who had shotgun the day before and whose turn it was the next day.

that was until bird learned to read.

she has learned to read so well that she found the warning label for the airbag and read it.

“you mean these things can kill you!?”bird asked incredulously a couple of months ago.

“or cause serious injury.” i added.

“i am NEVER sitting in the front seat of a car again, you are all nuts! chicka can have shotgun forever.”

and that is how we solved our daily arguments for shotgun.

hooked on phonics worked for us!