top nine of 09 in stodmor land

9. happened just tonight. went up to fix the antenna for my dad on the roof. roof is covered in ice. i slide down ice saying “s@#$” with chicka and her little friend listening by the open window. this sends them running downstairs saying “MOM IS FALLING OFF THE ROOF!!”  which sends the hubby running upstairs to the open window asking “what do i do?” to which chicka responded “GET OUT THERE!!!” to the hubby. sliding some more off the roof i grab the antenna to stop my fall only to make it worse for my dad which i tried in the first place to make better.

8. “did you know your daughter is jumping on the trampoline naked?”

7. after telling a gramma that no one pees in the fountain i was letting the queen play in, i take the queen out and start walking away only to turn around to see bear with his pants around his ankles peeing in the fountain.

6. “i’m looking for benjamin morrison’s mother” the phone call from officer wallace began. the same officer wallace who happened to have bear at the downtown day care.

5. the hubby’s infamous fall that made a car stop in the middle of the street while the driver jumped out to make sure he was okay. i was laughing inside.

4. having to use the ladder to climb onto my roof to break into my house after the hubby locked me out….again….”accidentally”

3.having to physically remove queen from chuck e cheese after realizing she was madly in love with chuck e cheese himself.

2. keats telling us he believes we came from monkeys. his reason? we have thumbs.

1. after going down the big slide, bear decided to stay in the slide which sent the lifeguard after bear, which sent bear running back up the slide saying “WHOA!” which sent  me running down 111 stairs to get him out of the slide so the other 100 people waiting could use the slide could slide.

happy new year!!!!!!

now this is what i have been trying to explain

we have a neighbor who lives just south of us.

he rides his bike every where and if not riding he is walking.

he does not necessarily think that showering is important.

he thinks that brushing his teeth is even less important.

he would be,

in mainstream society,

considered mentally disabled.

blaine has helped me out more times than i can count since moving into our humble abode.

this morning was not different.

i was out shoveling when blaine came and started helping me.

the thing with blaine is that i can only understand every 5th word he says.

except what he ends all his discussions with, and that is

“well now you know.”

that little saying is always clear as day.

you see blaine has very set ideas of how things should work.

he explains them in great detail looking intently at me the whole time.

then when done explaining he looks at me.

and you know what?

he finds me a complete idiot.

so much so that he explains the whole process of reasoning again.

this is my point i have been trying to make and he is the perfect example.

in blaine’s world,

he IS the normal.

we are all mentally challenged individuals that he needs to explain the process of shoveling, biking, growing a garden, and any other think he has helped me around the house with.

so, next time we see a mentally challenged individual, hand flapping individual, rocking individual….

remember….

they are thinking YOU are the strange one for not understanding the complete relaxation that comes from hand flapping and rocking and they feel sorry for YOU.

thank you blaine.

you have made everything black and white for me for a brief moment today.

a stunning realization……

this blog is who i am.

fighting to survive without imagining my children are rich, chewy, delicious chocolate chip cookies that i want to eat when stressed.

i am not an autistic circus.

i really don’t want to be famous with that.

i started this blog because it was just an idea.

then it became cathartic.

then i started sharing so much that i could not make eye contact with people i saw at church.

we have never stood up and said “look at us, we have autistic kids!!”

i have five kids all the same to me.

all with distinct personalities

and each with the ability to drive me to tears and binge eating frenzies of delight.

i don’t want to be famous.

i really don’t.

so, now that my confessional is through,

i will posting only on this site from here on out.

of course, you are still more than welcome to buy my book once i get that all squared away 🙂

why my kids make me proud

first of all, i brewed them in my belly and popped them out like a cork flying off a bottle of a fine beverage.

second, these are the gifts they got for queen, picking them out on their own

they know their sister so well!

and as i watched queen open her presents, it made me melancholy.

she has made some big strides this year,

we have always considered her ageless.

in some ways she is such a pre-teen.

in some ways she is such a 12-year-old.

in some ways she has an old soul.

and in some ways she is still about 3 years old.

her favorite presents, besides the ones pictured above,

are a light up glow-worm, and a light up phone.

oh, and one spitting dinosaur.

it is times like these that maybe her disability, that we don’t seem to really notice all that much,

suddenly stands up and makes us take notice.

yes, it makes me wonder when she is 20 years old what type of present will be her favorite.

when i was christmas shopping last week, i saw an older women with her sister, who was also older and mentally disabled,  in the toy aisle picking between a Dora and doll a littlest pet shop toy.

the sister and her husband were so patient and the sister with the mental disability was clearly excited and had her nails painted bright red.

i could not help but wonder if that was the queen’s future with her sisters.

i wish i had a crystal ball that could tell me what is in store for my kids.

i probably would not worry so much.

until then, i will watch her fall asleep with her glow-worm playing beautiful music and her face illuminated by the soft light.

and what do i think watching that?

that i am a remarkably blessed mother to be able to witness it.

dr doolittle she ain’t

queen hates animals.

hate is a strong word, and still it is not strong enough to really express how queen feels about animals.

that being said,

they love her.

or at least her chair, in her room, right under her feet.

sometimes,

she purposely kicks them.

speaking of animals…….

this is jerry the hamter’s new home in which he abides

and this is the view from his front door

i don’t know about you, but i see nothing but good coming from this new location and view of dirt-stained stairs.

why i know i am the middle of motherhood

we re-upholstered our chair

and my 5-year-old said “oh mom! that’s the most beautiful thing i have ever seen.”

you are welcome future husband of bird, we have strived very hard to make sure her expectations in life were not too far-reaching.

well, i feel we got their religious studies on the right path of righteousness….

“one girl has all of them memorized.” chicka informed me this afternoon.

and what were they memorizing? the 13 articles of faith for our church.

“well, they did start her really young memorizing them, so she has known them a long time.” i told her.

they have been working on these articles the whole year of 09 and what ever has been memorized by my children in due to the total commitment of their primary teachers.

kudos to you primary teacher.

“well, we just have fun.” chicka patted my back and said.

“yeah, we do.”

“they just have fun AND learn about the church,” she explained of the other family, “every family is different.” she ended her confucius wisdom filled statement with.

an experiment

http://theautisticcircus.com/?p=1699

i am an idiot when it comes to trying to make a blog work.

i ride the short bus to school.

i have a padded time-out room in my work area.

i have an IEP to try to achieve goals in making a link from one blog to another.

i would qualify for mental disability benefits in computer retardation.

so i am going to trying to make several different links to see which one works, all on this post.

without crying.

first one failed miserably.

let us try this again.

more failure.

i will now go sob quietly in my happy space.

theautisticcircus.com

holy curse curse curse word here!!! i think i may have had success!!!!

i have lost my link virginity!!!

shameless pandering

it is true, i am joining the ranks of people thinking they are fabulous and funny enough to be famous.

not only be famous, but make money at being fabulously funny and famous.

in order to do this, i am required to change the name of my blog to (drum roll please) The Autistic Circus.

i had to do this to own my own domain name.

that’s right, i am the master of my domain.

and in case you were wondering……yes, i am shamelessly pandering my children disabilities.

why?

because they are fabulously funny children.

the format, posts, and pictures will all be the same.

you, the gentle reader, will now be required to enter a different web address now

theautisticcircus.com

now, i just want you all to know that i will not let fame go to my head like the following people:or

or

i would never allow my children on reality TV, unless of course we have a good deal then you can contact my agent Benny Bear 207-555-7878.

careful, he bites.

no, don’t worry, i will not resort to fire, chimps, or shameless begging on street corners to make money.

WHAT!!!! ???? where did this shameless picture of pandering for money come from?

am i already so famous the paparazzi is following me?

i claim no knowledge of ever holding a sign that says ‘will blog for money thank you and God bless’ while standing on a corner with a jar for money.

obviously it is a stand in, not me at all.

happy reading.

december 15, 2009

things that made me laugh:

“give me a break guys! my memory is fresh out of ideas!” chicka said when asked by keats what scene the current music was from.

an interesting side note, keats can listen to most soundtracks and tell you exactly what scene that orchestra piece came from.

“i have stomach cramps.” keats informed my as we walked to the library.

“have you had a pooper?” i asked

weird look on his face.

“well, that can cause cramps.” my medical degree allowed me to give this advice. did you not realize that as soon as one becomes a mother they have honorary medical degree?

“let’s just say that my need to poop comes at inconvenient times.” he confided

“oh.” what else was there to say?

“and mom? why don’t we just say ‘dropped one’ instead of the other for safety sake in public.”

i laughed out loud.

“i don’t see what is so funny about that.”

things that made me smile while walking by:

bird kneeling on the floor helping bear take off his socks and shoes after school while he smiled down at her.

new thing learned today:

that it takes 6 sticks of gum to make a wad this big classroom instructor? queen

thing that i learned hurts….a lot

you know that beefy section on your hand right below the pinkie? it hurts to have it bit really hard……really bad.

that particular hard knocks lesson taught by bear.

things that made me proud

this dudeplaying in a concert tonight. when he got home he said it would be a good idea for him to do a dinner/show for the family. i give that a 2 thumbs up!

and seeing my two oldest, and realized just how big they are actually getting.i still view them as my little ones.

this picture clearly proves that theory incorrect.

every day it is good to be a mom, but some days…. it is just great.

random

sir was informed yesterday that when recess was over queen wanted to bring a shovel in from the play ground. her teacher told her no. queen let her displeasure be known.

“fine,” the teacher compromised, “you say shovel and you can bring it inside.”

queen eyed her warily.

“in fact,” the teacher continued, “i will settle for ‘ovel’.

“ovel” queen said evidently feeling is was a compromise worth settling on.

go teach go!

on sunday queen kept telling me to ‘go way’ and would hit me with her shoulder to push me away.

she told me to ‘go away’ three times.

i would have gladly complied except for the fact that she was sitting on my lap while telling me to ‘go away.’

“thank you.” sir told queen when putting on her boots last night.

“welcome.” replied the queen right back.

yeah, i would say she is saying a few more words.

why i feel this new teacher for bear just might work out

here is a list of behaviors she deals with: whining/yelling/being loud, not following directions, leaving work area, (tame so far i know) tearing/throwing objects or work/ crying/ swearing/calling names, self-injurious behavior ie. hitting, biting, scratching, grabbing clothes, pulling hair, hitting, kicking, spitting/snot, biting, groping, exposure or toileting issues, and for everything else: other, please specify.

i say she might be qualified. but can she handle bear walking behind her yelling “WOMAN” like he does to me when he cannot get a movie in wal mart that he likes? we shall see.

when i picked him up yesterday, she said that bear had one episode where he was pinching, scratching, kicking and punching.

“i had to take him to the ground and held him there for 30 seconds, put him back in his seat and said let’s get to work.”

look, i have had to do this same thing to bear, i know what she was describing all too well. it is one thing to have to do it myself and a complete other thing to have someone else do it. most of you reading this could not imagine having a conversation with a teacher that describes a take-down, but it is a reality for us. bear had a great rest of the day.

caroling

we went caroling last night to a few houses around the neighborhood. i realized a few things. keats, while singing (rather well), always has some own beat that he shakes his head to. chicka likes to sing in opera voice, bird likes to be in the thick of things pretending to sing, bear likes to keep one eye closed while squinting with the other, and queen likes to keep up the back of the pack with me.

good times had by all until queen fell on some ice, which she blamed sir for because after crying she would look at him and yell.

merry christmas to all and to all a good night.