“i just don’t know why he did not bring one pink one and one red one.” bird grumbled.
it was true, her and chicka had asked every santa they saw through out the holiday season for a DS.
sadly, their requests fell on deaf ears.
even more sadly, bird has had to resort to the following for her DS
that’s right, an old DVD remote that she keeps in her pocket and pulls out to furiously push buttons.
she has pushed the paused button and believer it or not, she paused.
okay, she did not.
“did you get my thumbs like this, this or this?” she asked while shifting her thumbs all over the remote.
“i don’t know bird, we will have to review the tape.”
what we did learn without reviewing the tape was this,
santa is a sham of a man.
here’s a picture of bear eating his booger he just excavated
Filed under: finding time to find your sanity. sometimes it takes longer than you would ever expect.
i made waffles and bacon this morning for the kids.
while the waffle iron was heating up i kept thinking how fragrant it was.
when the handy-dandy little magic light went off telling me it was warm enough to start,
i opened the lid to find a waffle i left in from the last time i made waffles.
sigh…….
i am using the crock pot today, maybe i left a ham or roast in it from last time so i don’t have to cook.
ps. that is the actual waffle and my crock pot is dirty.
remember this guy?
my boss came by our house last night when we were not home to pick up some paperwork.
luckily, eugene was home for us.
when she pulled up he was going through our mailbox.
then he moved to looking in the windows.
then he went to walking around the perimeter of our house.
she finally decided to get out.
“who are you?” eugene asked.
“i am just here to pick up some things.”
“are you a relative?”
“no, i just know regina.”
“well, stay away from the back, there are ghosts back there.”
my boss went and knocked on our door.
“don’t you have a key?” eugene asked again.
“no.”
“just walk in.”
why would eugene suggest this?
because that is what he has done in the past.
“i’ll just come back.”
she was telling me all this when i went to pick up my papers this morning.
“he is freaky!!” she told me.
“you don’t even know that beginning of it.” i assured her.
who needs a guard dog when we have eugene?
Filed under: tales from stodmor land
i think we have all had enough of the sob session and i for one am ready to move on.
to move on, i want to show you my latest love
these dresses make me happy, giddy and fall in love.
not fall in love enough to actually buy,
but fall in love enough to wait and watch diligently at thrift stores for the people who loved them enough to buy new not to love them so much anymore so i can buy them used.
on a side note,
the kids are home, happy and loud.
life is good.
Filed under: dealing with a diagnosis of a life long disability | Tags: getting a bi-polar diagnosis
“here, take this and read about it, give it a month and come back and see what you think.” the psych told us as we left the U of U yesterday with a booklet on bi-polar disorder.
the booklet should have said “written especially for bear.”
i know, i may sound like jenny mccarthy making a diagnosis about my son from reading literature.
i have a psych to back me up and no matter how much i try to say it is not,
this is bear to a ‘T’.
bear, my beautiful benjamin tanner, is bi-polar.
i don’t know why, but i feel so completely sad over it.
i know i am not the first parent to receive this diagnosis for a child.
i know i am not the first parent to have to read literature about a diagnosis they don’t want to read about.
but it is the first time for this mother’s heart to break over it.
i know it is treatable with meds.
i know he will be happier once we get things all figured out and monitored.
i know these things,
logically.
but my heart is not logical.
i know this feeling of mourning will pass.
i know that my feeling of already being pulled too tight so that i feel there is nothing left to pull will pass.
i know that my feeling of complete and utter incompetence to climb this new mountain will pass.
all things are doable right?
but now,
i want to feel sorry for myself.
i want to mourn the fact that one more thing will not be easy for my child.
i want to scream.
i want to stop feeling so lonely all the time.
i want to watch my daughter giggle with friends.
i want to watch my son play city league sports.
i want my love to be enough to fix everything for them.
above all,
i want this to go away.
but it will pass.
everything has a season.
this is my little season to mourn.
Filed under: finding time to find your sanity. sometimes it takes longer than you would ever expect. | Tags: making dreams come true
last night i dreamed i was eating delicious cooking after delicious cookie.
i woke up and made some.
Filed under: tales from stodmor land | Tags: conversations with the hubby and not learning a thing
my hubby would like to state the following:
or this is what he stated to me.
“you internalized this and made it about you. you are finally the female in the relationship for once!” (dr. laura told him females tend to internalize and make things about them….stupid dr. laura) 
let me give you an example.
the hubby and i were watching The Office together when pam’s ex-fiance’ came out with a beard.
“i really like facial hair, i think he is good-looking.”
the hubby heard:
“she wants me to grow a beard because i would be better looking.”
no, that is not what i meant but i do think he is a fantastic looking man with the manly facial hair now that he has it.
all i meant was that actor looked good with a beard.
“i don’t think anyone posts as much as you do.” the hubby said.
what i heard was this:
“he thinks i blog too much.”
turns out he meant this:
“that is cool.”
although those words were never uttered.
and that is why we have fantastic communication skills in our marriage,
we make up our own conversations.
Filed under: finding time to find your sanity. sometimes it takes longer than you would ever expect. | Tags: seat belt laws
“hurry and put your seat belts on, i am going to get pulled over here in a minute.”
the kids quickly complied.
i had everything ready by the time the officer came to my window.
“the way your son is wearing his seat belt made it look like he did not have one on at all.” the officer informed me.
“i know, we all hate the feeling of the strap by our necks.”
“you can get a (i do not remember what he called it but i think they are fuzzy) to put on the strap to not bug you. why is you daughter not in a booster seat?”
“we don’t own one.”
“wha…?”
“yeah, we don’t own one.”
out came the little handy card stating the size and weight for booster seat worthy children.
by this time, bird’s eyes were dilating all sorts of booster seat colors that she was going to be owning.
“she really needs to be in a seat.”
“yes sir”
he had a very nice lisp.
i was on the way to get bear from school and just threw the kids in the car.
you know by the cuff of the shirt and the back of the pants throw.
we picked up bear so he did not have a seat belt on and chicka was in the middle without a seat belt on and darned if that same cop was not in the same spot coming back.
“chicka lay down!”
keats got his cell phone out and started playing ‘bad boys bad boys whatca gonna do”
and we started going slower.
luckily the copper u-turned right before we got there and started driving away.
we were right behind him at the light but needed to turn.
if we went in the turn lane he would see bear.
a bear in a car is not hard to miss.
kinda like a bear in the woods.
keats now starts playing ‘mission impossible’ on his cell phone while we discuss our conundrum.
“can i get up yet?”
“NO” was the collective yell.
the cop went straight and we turned.
“take that copper!!!!” keats yelled out the window.
“nothing like beating a cop at his own game, now that is what i call exciting.” keats continued.
“i am such a bad example” i confessed
“oh mom,” said chicka as she got back on the seat “you are the best example i have ever seen.”
bird could not explain fast enough to the hubby she needed a booster seat and we had better go buy one immediately or get a ticket.
she was so excited until i told her she would be the one who had to pay the ticket because she was the one breaking the law not being in a booster seat not me.
Filed under: finding time to find your sanity. sometimes it takes longer than you would ever expect. | Tags: the medi-comb
“i don’t think anyone posts as much as you do.” the hubby informed me last night.
“really? and exactly how many blogs do you read?” i inquired.
“i just don’t think anyone does.”
it is not my fault my progeny give me so much material to write about.
it is not my fault that i don’t talk to anyone (so rarely) outside these walls that i call home.
or prison.
depends totally on the day.
and it is not my fault for the following post.
why?
well evidently my posts are as abundant as my ability to get pregnant.
the hubby is certain he has lice.
i have checked him,
thoroughly.
many times.
the man would not be sharing my bed if there was even a hint of lice on his scalp.
he still did not believe me.
he went out and bought this baby:
that’s right, this baby is so new the patent is still pending.
it is called the medi-comb and is supposed to just comb the nits right out.
that is,
if you have nits.
if not, it tends to prove you have a dandruff problem,
pull chunks of hair out,
and give a nice puffy ‘fro.
the hubby was just checking it again today,
at the park we were playing at.
but not before he started at the kitchen table.
and that,
gentle readers,
is why i blog so much.
i got up this morning at 3:15 to leave for the route.
bear was there to meet me at the top of the stairs.
i took him to the pee holder that magically flushes, then snuggled him next to the hubby.
i had concerns when the first thing bear did was punch the hubby.
i covered the hubby with pillows.
it is a big route day today, 350-ish papers to roll and deliver.
when i got back in my car i had 2 missed calls from the hubby.
bad sign.
“well, he seems to have calmed down now.” the hubby said
“i am just getting started, do you want me to come and get bear?” i asked
“no, he seems to be reading a book in his room right now; i am on the outside of the door because he won’t stop hitting me, queen is up and in our room because bear was so loud that he woke her up.”
“oh, i am so sorry, i will come and get him.”
“no, he seems okay now.”
10 minutes later the phone rings again.
“just come home. i will do the route.” was the immediate conversation starter.
“okay.”
i could hear bear in the back ground crying.
i get home to find sir in the hallway, queen in our bed, bear in his room with pillows, blankets and couch cushions all over.
poor sir.
i have the best hubby in the world.
i love him more than any thing possible.
he had to go and finish delivering papers then go to work.
he had a long night.
“did bear sleep well last night?” was the call i got from the teacher this morning.
“no.”
“well, we did not know if he was sick or just tired. he fell asleep at his desk this morning.”
serves him right.
little turd.
Filed under: tales from stodmor land | Tags: cleaing up vomit without crying
i am 38 years old and vomit still makes me cry.
especially vomit that is not mine.
i started feeling vomitous last night, well more like early evening, because i believe in exactness.
it lasted all night.
it lasted on the paper route.
it lasted when i got up to get the kids ready for school.
it kicked into high gear when i opened queen’s door to deliver breakfast.
i could smell it before i even opened the door.
she had vomited last night.
all over her bed.
pillows.
blankets.
stuffed animals.
and then?
she slept in it.
apparently, rolled around in it too.
that is when i felt the old familiar sting of tears coming on.
“why can’t me family live closer!?” i lamented.
not like they could have come and cleaned the bio hazard site for me.
“why can’t i have kids who throw up in the toilet or at least come and get me when they throw up” i continued the lamentations.
Job i am not.
i was really feeling sorry for myself.
queen has thick hair.
really thick hair.
hair that hides vomit really well.
hair that made me cry trying to clean it in the tub.
i am not exaggerating, my eyes are welling up right now typing this.
i got the girls to school.
got bear to school 1 hour late (he was not a happy bear)
and got ready to call the hubby to tell him my sad, sad tale of woe.
he forgot his cell phone so i could not even talk to him.
the depths of my self-pity knew no bounds by this point.
until,
i pulled down our street and saw the hubby already home.
he had taken a sick day to help me out not even knowing the carnage i had dealt with that morning.
he is my knight in shining armor.
that is until he asked if i wanted a greasy burger for lunch while i laid curled up in a ball trying to forget my stomach hurt.
he tarnished a bit after that.
